Fallen Soldier

Woke up early this morning, heard the news
Shocking story, the whole town catching the blues
On the phone I heard your name, I'm realizing
Mortality is real, this kind of loss, is hard to stomach
Tears in my eyes, knowing I need to leave
Have to walk the pain off, damn, I'm so damn mad
At this world, relentless cussing, psycho attack
Haunting images reenact your death, but why 
Memories of you and I, cycle my mind
Trying to ease the pain, but emotions apprehend
Why did an early exit have to be your ending?
Desperately trying to calm my nerves down
While the sense of your absence is still around
In your words I found strength, no denying
Even though at times I did not understand you
No one is perfect, but no one deserves this
Releasing my anger as I clench my fist
Why are earthly treasures the first to flee
I'll never forget our very best moments
How are we going to deal without you having our backs
God why is it You can't let him come back
I guess you want all of us to keep composure 
So I'll pray the Lord for you, our fallen soldier
Forever remembered, always missed
I wish I could have prevented this somehow
But I trust in God you’re in a much better place

Are You Her Pt. II

The story: interestingly enough, my 2009 poems "Leeches" and "He Is Like" were published in the 2010 edition of UNC Charlotte's Sanskrit Literary Arts Magazine. Sanskrit is a national publication with many submissions from authors, poets, and artists from all over the country; I was lucky and honored to be one of the very few UNC Charlotte students to have my poetry accepted that year. I was invited to read these poems at the Sanskrit gallery reception at UNC Charlotte's Student Union Art Gallery in April 2010. This is where I met my future wife Karen, the magazine's Editor In Chief at the time. It's funny how the power of words can unite you with your future life partner. On August 10, 2014 I read the following poem to her during my proposal at the same location where we met (shown above). This poem is a follow up to the original "Are You Her" poem that was written five years earlier.  

Several years ago, I asked the question. Are you her?

I looked high and looked low, but seemingly she was no where to be found.
And then when I least expected it, I turned the corner and I found you.

At the time, I didn't realize that the questions I asked were different from the questions I would need to ask.

I should have asked...

Can I grow with you?
Can I learn from you?
Can I count on you when times are hard?
Will your expectations of me remain realistic?
When the newness of you and I wears off, will you stop trying?
Will you place God before me?

My search for you began with the assumption that there is someone out there who is perfect for me
And to expect perfection out of something or someone who will forever remain imperfect requires me to think again
But my poems that found themselves bound to your book brought us together for a reason, because while you and I aren't perfect in our own right
I believe we are perfect for each other.

I understand that we have come a long way
I will forever believe that the rocky roadblocks placed in our past do not and will not predict the highways of our future
The love you show me makes waking up every day to fight for you, to fight for us, and to fight for those close to us worth it
We have grown together in many fate-filled ways both as individuals and as a couple
Even during our most trying moments I was filled by God's peace that pursuing this relationship was worth it and I am glad I listened to Him
Your caring spirit is a very rare find
I do acknowledge that when you care about something, you put every ounce of effort into making sure that thing proliferates and succeeds
How could I not want that kind of dedication and persistence to serve as the cornerstone for my family
I cherish your loyalty, and with you I am filled with trust and security
You complete me in areas where I lack strength, and your diverse ways of thinking keep my thoughts and actions in check
I am attracted to you spirtually, mentally, physically, and also as a friend, confidant, and consultant
By God's greater plan, I know you are the one I was meant to find right here in this gallery more than four years ago
I wanted to return to this special location to ask a special commitment from you that I am more than certain we are ready for.

Are you her, Karen?

Are you the one who won't lose sight of a friendship in the day to day details of life?
Are you the one who can keep me focused in the areas where I lack discipline?
Are you the one who can forgive me when I make a terrible mistake?
Are you the one who can love me for me, accept my past, pray for my future, and cheer me through the present?
Are you the one who can continue to challenge me and will not be afraid to help me achieve my full potential?
Are you the one who will one day be a role model, teacher, disciplinary figure, and a best friend to my children?
Are you the one who will stay persistent and do whatever it takes to make this thing work and give your best, even when the times are hard?
Are you the one who understands that as I've shown you, I am not now nor will I ever be perfect?
Are you the one who will look forward to being with me for the rest of our days?

Because I am him.


 

Paradigm Shift

Survive
Outlive
Outlast

These are the things I think of at the thought of your death
Holding my head up higher than confident skyscrapers
Responsibility, the new modifier
Noble health: my new moniker

You're the shadiest adversary never asked for
But since you live I shall not fear your imprisonment
Beating you unmercifully a famed conclusion
This disease has long overstayed its welcome
It is late; my children need me to tuck them in bed
My residence in dismay
Why oh why do you refuse to dissolve on your own?
Diffuse to systemic ranks with a heartless cascade
Epidemic the rampant outcome of not keeping you encased

Open this heart up to paradigm shift
Allow my education to triumph with stoic strength
Uplift the lost, create sight for the blind
Berate skeptics, insinerate obstacles
Rewrite the hated chapters
A story in the making must be told one day
Obsessed with the notion of not growing old and weary
Rebuilding young minds to enrich life spans
If man can see, man can touch
Physically I'm weak but my soul spans miles
Many will seek the tainted hill with painted green grass
A flock elects a shepherd who orchestrates trust
Speak wisdom so my naked seeds can sprout in fertile soil
With sickness deflamed, we shape-shift into marvels

The cure reformatted.

Rivers Don't Bleed They Run

Rivers don't bleed they run
My Grandfather's son your circumstances I treasured
Steadfast inspiration with accolades, aspiring to be the next
Surviving past pleasantries hopefully outperform recent trials
Time together undeniable, a male figure to help mold
Severing the flock a by-product of an irresponsible agenda
This communication holds no tirade yet a proposal to revive
Reverse these altercations, redeem the role model I request
In sickness and death lie the cowardly gestures you possessed
Learning that many float on, but family a sheltered rock
The lessons being taught teach me to heartlessly sell stock
When it doesn't perform well...
I know well, peaks and throughs involve
Any long term bond I've ever held
Any real relationship I've ever known
Wishing I could say I salute you in this blinded path
But my trek to Fatherhood intoxicates me with the truth
When struggle infiltrates love, a need to bleed profusely
Conquer discomfort with character, persevere with passion
Outlast temporary with timeless will, preserve with soul
Don't allow the ebbs and flows to mark the sand with sediments
A leader stands tall when the health of a tribe appears short
I promise I will take these broken footsteps with a grain
And toss them in the silo with all nefarious examples
My embankment of faith must not erode with the current
I will bleed for my blood, for you can't guarantee the same
Because rivers don't bleed
They run

The Compass

Dedicated to Lauren and Haley Lomax

As nameless spirits we wander
Aimless but handling inexplicably strong will
Pride presents us with continuous motion, albeit
Wrongly accused because we choose to keep our heads held high
"Life's troubles -- what exactly you know about that?"
Often proceeded with the notion that we have it all
Pointing back: one operation could have erased any trace
I was that man's seed, but Daddy was my builder
Financial flaws caused us to pause, observe, genuinely learn..
Money is the least valuable gift up for trade with each other
Conscious stretching for outward extension uplifts
Your enemies.. love them, appreciate them
Give them purpose beyond their impoverished assumptions
What was written sketches direction and a whim to work with
Conflicting pains: inevitably approaching change
We enter each new scene with a face of despair
Hoping that someone else will provide our next route
But no matter the road traveled, doubt unravels
In time it's understood. You're doing you
Any fatal position has an off switch that dreams can locate
Ascents can glide over valleys if you trust your wings
In sickness or in health, poverty or in wealth
Keep your ear to the pavement; ask the stars for advice
Armored with eagle-eye intention or burdened in dismay
May you always find your way

Sums

Dedicated to Matt Dade (thanks for the idea man).

The investments we hand over for the results disproportionately secured
Movements expended while we search for more green peace signs
Alas, the war is not with politics, but
More so for a resolve with these relentless hunger pains
Not vanishing until we live the dream
Corporate's big machine works but our inner-workings dwindle like a campfire
Inevitable disheartening is the kerosene for what is slightly not seen
The journey starts with one step and
As many strides that are necessary, we'll wear ourselves out
Breathe. Check pulse.. Now let's get back to this money
Let's walk haphazardly for the diminishing goal that disappears and reappears
Apparitions, suspense for where our next "meal" is
Our new hunger erupts for the progression of appeal
But really, can we ever sate a figure that bill-ds (builds)?
Cash registers open, give me all that you got
Employees are the ones getting robbed here
Stacks and stacks of 'notes' all end with 'I love you'
But the sorriest hug in the world is the one you don't get back
All we want is the nod we are irreplaceable
All we want is the acknowledgment that our sweat equals measure
All we want, is knowing we're accounted for

Water Damage

A collection of negatives rest on my chest
Development all perpetuated from the dark room in my mind
3:30 AM --
Gasping for oxygen, with sweat prevalent as the same 'air' that caused my suffocation
Looking around helpless, no exclamations? only questions!
No theories, no law of physics, no casual beliefs
Only thieves, constructing derailing visions of demonic view
I lean up to write, must announce this, for the love of
GOD must reprieve what has challenged my prosperity
Another dream, unnecessary shadows bind no hallow
Review shallow my ability to salvage us, lost virtue
Who goes there? Pitch black passages lack implication
Let it be known, I wanted to know much better than lust
This pen, writes invisibly, small absent words
It can't produce, what I woke up to say, my tongue detached
Just feelings. All reminds me those temptations of sins
The lines we tried to stay within, disappear no Venn
No similarities, but now resplendently, imagery vivid
It's pretty, you're pretty, the calm of this storm
Times of when we first met, first kisses, spirits abound
The ink becomes rich, illuminated thoughts pour grace
Perplexed soul sedated, thinking undeniably clear
I breathe deep, against all will, this INK it spills..

Will I ever be the same?



..because
It's best I tell you now, so you can finally know
I loved you so much I had to learn to let you go
Had to pray to get you gone, think of us as otherwise
[AHEM] my mind had been force-fed too many lies
Never wanted to, but with honor, what you needed
No use for retrial, my case already pleaded
We accept it's OK when things aren't meant to be
Amidst chemistry, caring infinitely, our tape spliced pretendedly
You don't have to know about the span of time I suffered
Loss of weight, lack of sleep, many talks with my mother
All you have to do is shake your head and understand
I was your man once; learned plenty who I am
And more of where I'll be, coming along just fine
I've been moved on, but your lovely smile reminds
Sometimes, you come to speak to me at night, we make memories
From events that never happened, it's caught on film
These photos don't capture pain that should have passed the print but
Events when we should have laughed, dissipating the overcast
No doubt, regret impales, but we learn from life's casualties
Will better appreciate the next
Love, I wish you all the best

Rain Speaks Of Anvils

Cloaked in new light this morn
Neglected voice of wisdom: worn skin must shed
Feel the chisel dig at side, the etch of living breath
Taking unfamiliar corners, warmth of unchartered sound
Choice to born the mind that embraces transition
Doubting any philosophies of regress apply here
As a milestone for most, toasting such boastful growth
No novice they'll notice, noted joyous above prone, now
Rightfully these confident words he'll speak
They can say they knew him back when he was nowhere near his peak
Few of those can climb far enough to be where
This man plans to trek he will trust, less beware
Looking for the face believing no intention unjust
With a painting of smiles, other side provides his prize
See...
There comes a time when lad wishes to cast his anchor
No longer one thing to every, but everything to one
All things point to a rare nest of benevolence
Waiting patiently to find an object so inspiring
Beauty, personality.. a caring soul
Positive energy, lovely, the respect for most
The definitive of never wanting to leave their side
For her, eventually, his sole purpose due
And winding up with more than she dream of true
An altered being of heart seeks to capture her spirit
Emotions surmount control reaching to hold hands
Perfect course shall bypass lost trail over sturdy bridge
Struck like awakened fate, rain speaks of anvils
Stained with indelible marks, a child has arrived
Affinity

Leeches

*Selected to be published in Sanskrit Literary-Arts Magazine: April 2010

Mechanical machines mutilating mental matter
Frivolously detonating our accepted social structure
From no-fi to wi-fi we promote the battle cry
We don't bleed blood, we leak oil when we rupture
Highly ironic, we dissolve as we evolve
Intentions were to reduce distance to increase us
Technologically speaking, communication needs tweaking
Can't boot me up, my 'battery' fully consumed
Is T9 the crime, was a roam charge our fate
You stare at a text while I stare at this empty plate
Signaling simple sympathy showing SMS significance
Forget overages, your apathy, I'm so over it
Your BlackBerry is a vulture feasting your dead end mind
Close your mouth darling, need only use your thumbs
Even if your speech at loss you can still get a point across
Most lame, the way you type on AIM not quite the same
As how you are in person, we must develop your offline self
Without World Wide Web wealth we weep withered wishes
Please notify my operator if you wish not see me later
I seek healthy relationship, sorry there's no app for that

She Writes The Song

She writes the song
Simple melodic tones producing a dream
A dream truly only seen by one being
A being still believing, who knows
That song soulfully speaks for him
She weaves her love into the chords
Only rich men cannot afford
To view what is two paces past tainted
Blank is the scribe with their lyrics
Many alike fear that her orchestration
Only the deaf can hear
The cadence of this passage so deep
She caresses the strings, playing again
Saying to him I found myself within
Your lonely score
Harmony lie nailed to a core
Their duet could provide eternity more
His leash denies two lovers tried
But much like sheep awfully shy
Come forth internal inside belief
Brevity beaut whisked away like leaf
He knows his place
Barriers yet erased
She writes the song