The Doctors Appointment / The Only Regrets

Back with some new material. This is a two part poem I started writing a while ago but I finally have it finished and I wanted to share it with my family/friends etc. Both of them are related to each other. The first poem is more of a story and the second poem answers it containing the real message. Hopefully some inspiration can be found from them. Comments appreciated!


The Doctors Appointment


He was, 5 minutes late
Glancing down at his watch he was already practicing his apology
A swift step inside the lobby, a rush in of the cold air
This old man had barely remembered to close the door behind


'What's Your Name?' questioned the receptionist
'Pardon me, late again' he announced
With a puzzled look on her face she tried to
Remember exactly where she knew him from


She handed him the paper work, he sat down without haste
Nearly knocking down a pyramid of blocks he caught his balance
Trying to collect his thoughts, he pulled out the card
Scribbled down the same responses, and put it back inside his coat pocket


'The Doctor will see you shortly' she said as he handed her the forms
'Tell him to take his time' the old man said with a smirk
As the old man had stepped back to reclaim his seat
The receptionist closed the glass window and thumbed for the phone


Twenty minutes later, the Doctor came into the waiting room
'Come on' he said; the old man rose to his feet
He anxiously followed behind him through the dimly lit hallway
He entered the same room on the same side as before


The two sat down as the Doctor pulled out the paper
'You know the drill' he said in an annoyed tone to the man
The old man took a minute, squinted at the fine print
At the bottom he signed his name, large and fearless


'Prognosis?' asked the old man as he coughed a little bit
'You should know' the Doctor said slightly rampant
'Everytime I come here you tell me the same thing'
'Everytime you come here I can't tell you any differently'


'I pay a good price just to keep my hopes alive'
'You pay a good price and I'm not sure why!'
'I hate to keep bothering but why can't you be straight with me?'
'We can't give you the help you want, old man'


'But isn't that your job, to give good help?'
'We're not in it for goodwill, just the business sir'
'Back in my day, good service meant standing by the customer'
'Well obviously, this is not your day sir'


The old man got up, took off his coat, feeling angst
The Doctor peered out the window because he couldn't understand
The old man sat down and rubbed a spot on his forehead
The Doctor crossed his legs impatiently, twittling his thumbs


'I remember when this place was under better management'
'Oh yeah? And how long ago was that old man?'
'Almost yesterday, they used to be straight with me'
'Well times have changed senile fool. Come back tomorrow, I'll say the same!'


'Why can't you guys operate how you used to?'
'It's obvious you're stuck in the past, old man'
'I just have a disease and I need medical attention'
'It's been made well clear we don't have your medicine'


'You have it, DAMMIT, and you can get it to me'
'We don't have anything positive for you here'
'Soon I might die if you don't help me out'
'The competition is still just down the street'


'They don't have the medicine I need'
'How do you know if you haven't contacted them?'
'I'm well aware, their remedies don't do the trick'
'Are you saying that because you're sure that you know?'


'Why does one have to explain if what they have...'
'Had, nothing you had here will ever be the same'
'I'm not sure what made you have to go and...'
'LOOK, before you whine and complain face the facts...NOTHING we can do'


The old man started to shed a small tear
Ironically pulled out a white handkercheif, a surrender to times
Standing once again, he stormed out without manners
Slammed the door behind, his soul burned slow


The Only Regrets


The medicine was hope, the medicine was action
The medicine was an attempt to rise above the chaos
The mask is a burden to those closed to solution
The medicine is rare but infinitely valuable

Nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes
But not all are mature enough to try righting a wrong
The only regrets lie where we don't make an impact
Pain is temporary but character is immortal


Injury is learning, resilience to be expected
Most fascinating is a notion to seek new answers
Do our scabs break if we let it die within the other?
Knowing we didn't do all we could to help them survive


Forgiveness is a bold step, a regrip to vulnerability
Where would mankind be if we truly lived harmonious?
Go back in time, find where you cut into another
Have you fully healed from their bones that were broken?

Abandoned

The past has passed and nothing can change that
That foundation has been paved, solidified, yet remains
Even though we feel as if it is weak legs we stand on
All we can hope for is to be strong enough to break down
Our faults clean, stability rehonored
Contentment achieved from impartially accepting the truth
Not only shall we move on, we'll move up
To where we cant see the bottom though aware of its existence

Rebuilding is truly a methodical process
It takes a drive and a blue print, a will and a way
But the way must be discovered to channel the will
Encouraging ourselves, we search for the light
In order to appreciate the light we must endure the darkness
Understand nothing is of value unless we know no value
Our attitudes must thirst for the heart to be humble
Realize that we'll never know everything ever
Obstacles still hide within the clear path we see
They lie and lie deep but we'll pass on by
Sheer confidence knowing 'more' was meant for us
Respect the true self within, let THAT shine on through
Because this is the point in life where a real gain is assumed
The moment further witness our potential as people
To those contest, we'll just take the broader scope
Obviously advancing a radically different structure
We pick to build this for a lifetime of shelter
Sure enough our last would falter in any storm
It's possible this new construction stands the test of time
But the key is knowing when to patch or renovate
The best builder is not too proud to admit mistakes
Share the trials with those that are willing to learn
So hopefully, more will find the proper process
Accept the vision as a blessing, we correct our steps
And live on, better than we last did

He Is Like

*Selected to be published in Sanskrit Literary-Arts Magazine: April 2010

He was like that kid that fell and scraped his arm...
He was like that boy that got stuffed in his locker by bullies...
He was like that guy that lost an arm wrestling contest...

He was like the sailboat that lacked the wind to continue...
He was like the water in the dam that no longer flows...
He was like the car going 55 that suddenly crashed off the side of the road...

He was like a candle that got blown out...
He was like a shovel that could dig no deeper...
He was like a blade of grass that was picked and disposed for no reason...

Yet

He was like a bird that would die so you could eat...
He was like a piece of wood taking the burn so you could stay warm...
He was like a punching bag willing to yield the pain so that you could get stronger...

He was like a garage that would take being weathered just to keep you protected...
He was like a crayon that would let you draw with your imagination...
He was like a book allowing you to learn as much as you applied...

He was like the directions you could have read first before using...
He was like the staple that only knew how to hold it together...
He was like the ribbon in your hair that allowed you to look better without covering anything up...

And

He was like that smile on your face when you first fell in love...
He was like that feeling in your heart when you trusted that instead of your mind...
He was like that calculator that usually gave you the right answer...

He was like the puppy that got older and lost appeal...
He was like the prized possession that you lost in the fire...
He was like the stock you sold because it was losing you money...

He was like the pillow you held for comfort...
He was like the yo yo that you dropped but came right back...
He was like the insurance company, being there for you if something went wrong...

But

He is like a blank check you accidentally threw in the trash...
He is like a new escalator but you would rather take the stairs...
He is like a lucky shirt you gave away that just turned lucky...

He is like that guitar with new strings that you traded...
He is like that important class you skipped because it wasn't mandatory...
He is like that long line that you left when they were letting everyone in a minute later...

He is like a hidden bridge to a paradise that you imploded...
He is like a song that used to annoy you but now it's a timeless classic...
He is like a plug you pulled right when the coma was almost over and survival was promising...

He...
Is.

If Anyone Asks

If anyone asks how I became the way I am, I will tell them: it is you

Back then nothing known, a blank canvas, I recall
How I would be quick to take, hesitant to give
Evidence shown a boy would have a lot to learn
Though it's apparent you are the model of how He needs me to be
The lessons you've taught go far beyond my understanding
Your caring nature seldom seen among many I meet
The purpose of life you've shown me means much more than
Anything I could have known, before your love
Many people have come and gone, but you, you're still here
Through the worst of arguments, and throughout my progression
You remained constant, you've always been constant-ly
On my back, for me to scold doubt and give my best
So manifest, anything I do is gold to you at the least
Even if I fail nothing more was asked than my effort
It's not what I prove that counts, but better: what I could show
And that's what separates you from all the others!
Each day in life with you you make me that much stronger
I know you count on me, to let you know, I feel the same
I know I can count on you until the end of eternity
How could I ever set you aside, you cant be replaced
No tragedy or tempest can set us East and West
Blessed me with humor and smiles, a full commitment
You even quit your day job just so we could spend more time
I know I leave you lonely, we live in what seems two separate worlds
But I carry around your spirit, wherever I go
Along with that, the memories plus how you shaped me
You witnessed history, as I crossed bridges from boy to man
From day one, you've shown me more than a tender love
You are the one which all others are most certainly judged
You held my hand whenever, I got sick
You were there for every event even if, you were sick
You make grilled cheese and hot cocoa whenever it snows
We inspire ourselves, you know, we're both artists
When I act silly, you're always one up on the silly
Im so at ease with you, you're always in a cheery mood
You've carried me across both literally and figuratively
Collectively we've experienced many heartbreaks
But I promise, although I've yet to find another love...
I am your product, and it will happen!

You took my picture, on the first day of school
Even back then, you were more than the person I admired
No matter what I did, I always had a number one fan
You taught me properly how to be there for another
So when I find Miss Right, I can show the same love that my mother
Showed me, as a child, you held me in your arms and
When I have kids, I want to raise them just like you did
And if one day they ask: 'Dad, how did you become the way you are'?
I will tell them: ask your grandmother

Are You Her?

I'm looking for a girl who can try to put me before herself.
She isn't happy unless I'm happy.
She supports me, even has the new album on her IPod and is probably trying to learn the lyrics right now as we speak.

I want to know, are you her?

I'm looking for a girl who loves to snuggle up and watch a funny movie.
She knows that when we're together, nothing else she could do is important at that time.
She knows that I had a long day and she wants to hear all about it while she plays with my hair.

I want to know, are you her?

She would be the biggest fan of anything I'm into and she wouldn't stop until she became that. She would listen well and we could talk about anything, even deep things.
She could handle my feelings and know how to make me feel because she prides herself as being the most caring, sweet, and dependable one around.

I want to know, are you her?

That girl would be laid back and chill when we chill because she realizes life is too short to spend the whole day worrying about what she has to do next.
She could massage away my stress and tell me things to ease my mind.
She could make me laugh and be goofy with me. The only thing on her agenda would be to ensure I have fun and a good time.

I want to know, are you her?

She would surprise me with little things from time to time just to let me know she cares.
She would value material things only if there was love behind it.
When she hugs me goodbye she wouldn't want to let go.

I want to know, are you her?

When it came to cuddling, she would know it's my favorite.
When it came to going out or staying in, she would be first more concerned with what I felt like doing.
When it came to my family, she would try to make them her family.

I want to know, are you her?

The very same girl would have friends that are just like her.
They would make me feel welcome into their circle and we would all instantly click.
Even if I told the stupidest or corniest joke, they would still laugh.
Making me feel comfortable is their number one mission.

I want to know, are you her?

She wouldn't split if the rent got paid late.
She wouldn't split if I couldn't always pay for a date.
She wouldn't hate if I put on a little weight.

I want to know, are you her?

This girl I'm looking for wouldn't have to be the brightest or the most driven to make the most money or have the most lavish items.
She's comfortable with what she has even if it isn't a whole lot.
She wouldn't have to worry about how much she works or has to commit to her priorities.
She would just know that the time we spend together, no matter for how long or how short is the most special time and the moment she always looks forward to.

I want to know, are you her?

Can you say yes?
I want to know, have you seen that girl?
Is she still around; does she still exist? If so, point her out.
And just to let you know, if you were wondering the same things…

I am him.

Cage

When you lock up a bird with a song in a cage, he sings all day
But when you let him free, he soon forgets
He can't tap into his mind to find what his inner design
Would pine for him to decide, just for now or perhaps another time
What were the chords, what were the lyrics?
Yet innate within his spirit, it's still there, he can feel it
Sure, he can feel it
Or maybe the bird would like to sing while free, but can't
For the distraction that comes with all the polution or smog
Can't be right for his health, but he chirps amongst catastrophe
But, all the same, are we better living free and sad, or
Happy and contained
One would question if the bird has a scarred wing from past collison
Or something that would cause some type of brutal incision
Some kind of surgery was underwent to remove his vocality
To salvage the possibility for a new home to call
Truly the confused fella would like to come inside at last
He tries to break through the window, but can't get past the glass
And when his face smacks the surface, he tends to realize
That the beautiful ballad he had to sing, was 'taps' in disguise
And before he can scurry off, the security system has been set off
Though the homeowner comes to think it's another false alarm
Because it usually goes off when the birds get about that close
They barely make a click sound, but it resonates the household
Then they feel ridiculous, like 'I allowed them to build their nest
To get to me this easily, this is making me depressed
The bird saw something inside that he valued a lot
But the restriction he felt put a tear in the plot
He thought he knew what to do, but now lost for answers
The change in the air patterns suggests to fly away
But who knows, maybe just maybe he would prefer to stay
That is, if the atmosphere makes it suitable for singing
On the other hand, maybe he should fly to new beginings
No matter the outcome, this be known
As the saying goes, where you lay your hat is your home

Rope Bridge

I should reinvent myself
I don't know why though
Because when I keep trying to upgrade
I just fail another inspection
I make sure that my friends find what they need first
If we're all crossing the rope bridge to success, I'll risk being last for them
Because I know if that bridge breaks before I get to that place
I will find a new way across eventually
It may seem like I'm passive in nature
But perhaps I'm very active in my future
Every time I get bogged down or stressed out
I want to yank all the stops and skyrocket to another dimension
I want to secure my place in history: a hard goal
Especially when your worth constantly decreases after each improvement like technology
I'm growing older, but I'm still younger than those older than me
I'm growing stronger, but there is always someone who can do more
I'm so positive, that people see that as a negative
What is it about me that leaves a bad taste in their mouth?
I thought living above average and excelling was the dream
Seems I'd be better off in second class
Why am I so fascinated with change?
As a kid I'd always look around to see who was taller than me
Knowing one day hopefully I'd be taller than them
A while back, I wanted to mature and be treated with respect
Because all I knew were towering authorities ascending miles above
Now, as I enter my adult years I loiter in an existential loft
Time is of the essence and there is so much left to be done
Not for them, but for me
I get that mental reward when I take a step further
And they say, he's so motivated and dedicated
But, why are those comments most prevalent when I fail?

Ship Wreck

I imagine you next door, calling me from your second story window
The tone is ambitious as if you want something from me you're not sure you can have
But if it is something that you're after I'm sure that I can provide
Long lost us - a destined combination
We both jumped from our perils
For me: her
For you: I'd like to say him but I can't
Maybe that's why you can't be 100% real with me
I'm stuck rendered as an action less super hero trying to steal you from evil
I hear you say things you never said but I swear I hear them
Little secrets like: I'm leaving this hotel soon and I'll need a taxi
Translated as: I'm leaving him soon and I want you to sweep me off my feet
You’re in my midst out of bravery
No one in their right mind would be here like you are
Perhaps you see beyond the risk...

I hold a face that produces no honey in the hive
To dive into your love gives me a place to hide
I hold a mind that has seen a day or too better
I look into your mind and see cloudiness never
I'd die a thousand deaths to have you say now it's you I want more

You can't tell me I must stop
You can't tell me this isn't love
I know how I feel about her
And if I listen to another things won't change
I know you in a limited way
Perhaps I can know myself better if you open yourself to me
I look in the mirror
What I see in the reflection is a man who hasn't felt much
Neglect, no, but a lot can be explained
I don't want to move another muscle
Knowing you aren't walking with me
I've been lead off of a cliff blindfolded in the past
And the truth is she is one of your best friends

A Little Late

I know I'm a little late, but thank God I found you
Because the way you've redefined the way I think "she fine"
Has deeply null and voided all my superficial times
God delayed your flight to me
But that didn't slay my feelings for thee
He’s making me fight to see, a place for us to grow
To emerge from all of this as the hero you go home to
No broom could ever sweep up, no towel could seep up
What I've spilled to you: my guts, I know you think I'm nuts
But God as my witness there is a reason for all of this
While you go home to him, this goes without lie
You call it eye shadow, I call it black eyes
Love has invaded your mind with brutal disguise
And you stick by him because you're dedicated right?
I know it's proper giving respect where respect due
But you and him together is like the devil living inside of you
And the devil doesn’t want to see you happy, unlike the angels
So, should I just gel and watch Satan cast his evil spells
Because is he the best with you I cannot tell from his criminal record
Look, not trying to lecture, call me your protector if nothing else
My mindset: I wouldn't know what to expect if I had you
Had you in my arms? have our angels carry us to the skies
Heaven is near when I look into your eyes
I hope these bad guys get put in their place, until they finally know
What they have and know exactly how to treat it, they can't see it
Their problems are like a veil and your glow becomes dark
But above all, just let me state this...
Even if there isn't a place in your heart for me
I wouldn't mind being just a little bit late, to see you finally be happy

Make Amends

Resilient I am:
The moving hands on the wall have picked me up from my slouch
I have shed the fleas, and jumped the fence
I am no longer chasing my tail in a circle
I feel much more mature now, after it all
The transition from heartache to a new myself was hard at first
Now, my vision of hope repaired at last
And not only am I capable of moving on, I can move up
In life, I am no longer near the floor of this ocean
I am floating faster to the skies and she has let go of my foot
The anchor has been cut away and I can progress how I used to
I'll never find out if I can reach the surface of stability, because
My situation is like an overcast of gray skies that evoke the rain
And the rain raises the water level: my plight
At least the water washes away my wounds to relieve my troubles
I have the tendency to ask for more air than I should
Now that she's nowhere close, I can have all of that I want
But what good is it having all of this air, and none to share
As far as I know, another submerged below could be drowning
Would I be called greedy to take this much that I possess
Or should I give some back to her, after all, she's human too
Confused about what to do, she hurt me and she wants me dead!
But this complex conscious takes over my head, giving me: the ultimatum
Why, against my will, do I spiral down to check up on her
Wasting my chance of survival for her survival, its suicidal
Wishing a tidal would erupt us to the beach onto the sand
Maybe then she would let go her dagger and hold my hand
The odds against me, the odds against us, who can I trust
She lifted me into the air once; now, I'm liquefied for her lust
Damn this world where we pick one, leave it, for another
Am I what she wants, or is that piece of garbage her lover
As she admits, "it was nothing more than a friendly kiss"
Into "I don't like jealously...leave my sight" bawling a fist
That was so long ago, I always thought she was so fine
She still is, but I can do better, though some times she grabs my mind
And stalls me, pollutes my attempt to live like an oil spill
Which stays my habitat, because I'm too afraid to seek another
Thinking when it happens to her, whose going to be bold enough to save her
Not hoping that her own medicine gets dealt back, but I can't rule out
The possibility, no one was there to catch me, trigger pulled by dignity
And my entire world was blown!
My heart shattered and exploded into a million segments
Been there, had that, I am certain that I can't let it
Be done to her, I must watch out and make sure her path clear
We may have split directions, and she no longer wants me near but
For her to wash up broken, still remains my greatest fear
She's already moved on, but frankly, who's going to be the only one
To lend her an ear when she's left floating alone like me
I know I'm qualified to provide the resuscitation
If we could both make it...