A Little Late

I know I'm a little late, but thank God I found you
Because the way you've redefined the way I think "she fine"
Has deeply null and voided all my superficial times
God delayed your flight to me
But that didn't slay my feelings for thee
He’s making me fight to see, a place for us to grow
To emerge from all of this as the hero you go home to
No broom could ever sweep up, no towel could seep up
What I've spilled to you: my guts, I know you think I'm nuts
But God as my witness there is a reason for all of this
While you go home to him, this goes without lie
You call it eye shadow, I call it black eyes
Love has invaded your mind with brutal disguise
And you stick by him because you're dedicated right?
I know it's proper giving respect where respect due
But you and him together is like the devil living inside of you
And the devil doesn’t want to see you happy, unlike the angels
So, should I just gel and watch Satan cast his evil spells
Because is he the best with you I cannot tell from his criminal record
Look, not trying to lecture, call me your protector if nothing else
My mindset: I wouldn't know what to expect if I had you
Had you in my arms? have our angels carry us to the skies
Heaven is near when I look into your eyes
I hope these bad guys get put in their place, until they finally know
What they have and know exactly how to treat it, they can't see it
Their problems are like a veil and your glow becomes dark
But above all, just let me state this...
Even if there isn't a place in your heart for me
I wouldn't mind being just a little bit late, to see you finally be happy

Make Amends

Resilient I am:
The moving hands on the wall have picked me up from my slouch
I have shed the fleas, and jumped the fence
I am no longer chasing my tail in a circle
I feel much more mature now, after it all
The transition from heartache to a new myself was hard at first
Now, my vision of hope repaired at last
And not only am I capable of moving on, I can move up
In life, I am no longer near the floor of this ocean
I am floating faster to the skies and she has let go of my foot
The anchor has been cut away and I can progress how I used to
I'll never find out if I can reach the surface of stability, because
My situation is like an overcast of gray skies that evoke the rain
And the rain raises the water level: my plight
At least the water washes away my wounds to relieve my troubles
I have the tendency to ask for more air than I should
Now that she's nowhere close, I can have all of that I want
But what good is it having all of this air, and none to share
As far as I know, another submerged below could be drowning
Would I be called greedy to take this much that I possess
Or should I give some back to her, after all, she's human too
Confused about what to do, she hurt me and she wants me dead!
But this complex conscious takes over my head, giving me: the ultimatum
Why, against my will, do I spiral down to check up on her
Wasting my chance of survival for her survival, its suicidal
Wishing a tidal would erupt us to the beach onto the sand
Maybe then she would let go her dagger and hold my hand
The odds against me, the odds against us, who can I trust
She lifted me into the air once; now, I'm liquefied for her lust
Damn this world where we pick one, leave it, for another
Am I what she wants, or is that piece of garbage her lover
As she admits, "it was nothing more than a friendly kiss"
Into "I don't like jealously...leave my sight" bawling a fist
That was so long ago, I always thought she was so fine
She still is, but I can do better, though some times she grabs my mind
And stalls me, pollutes my attempt to live like an oil spill
Which stays my habitat, because I'm too afraid to seek another
Thinking when it happens to her, whose going to be bold enough to save her
Not hoping that her own medicine gets dealt back, but I can't rule out
The possibility, no one was there to catch me, trigger pulled by dignity
And my entire world was blown!
My heart shattered and exploded into a million segments
Been there, had that, I am certain that I can't let it
Be done to her, I must watch out and make sure her path clear
We may have split directions, and she no longer wants me near but
For her to wash up broken, still remains my greatest fear
She's already moved on, but frankly, who's going to be the only one
To lend her an ear when she's left floating alone like me
I know I'm qualified to provide the resuscitation
If we could both make it...

Pour

Pour the pain on me like boiling water on the charcoal
Watch as my skin cells divide apart from what used to be sain
Now they glide away, as if they are scattering and scurrying to a new home
Fleeing from doom, as some trip and deplete like the bull runners
The death and decay of many is an artistic reminder that not everything can scab over
For instance, your words are more than words...
When you speak the words I love, I am diving into an abyss of a million soothing pillows on the hottest day of July

I feel a front when you front and now the rain is coming down
I feel empty, without, lacking, no love
It's just me and the stratus skies, day becomes night, darkness and gloom, I wish I could hold you soon!
I miss you; I didn't mean to hurt you yesterday!
But there you go again, now you vanish into an ominous panic that persists
The more dirt you drawl up is like that boiling water on charcoal
As the steam rises upward, I feel the expulsion of my soul
You must forgive me every once in a while, cant be perfect
Pour on the mercy, I thought you said our arguments were worth it

But this doesn’t make sense anymore as I am still fantasizing
Silly me for being the one with my tongue tantalizing
Despising the ones trying to steal you away, how jealous am I?
Thinking at any moment you could move on like a fly
Oh God!
But the part that hurts the most is
It's all just a mirage...
And we still argue, about what? You’ve been my good friend for years
I ask you out, you shut me down, but can't a boy still dream?
I slide under the covers into that world, where I just can't wait to go
I've waited all day to sleep so I could endure the next episode
As the perfect couple we've yet to become, pour these images inside
Sometimes good, sometimes bad, I never pray for nightmares
But who cares, the next night, I get to start all over again
Should be right but its wrong, I don't even recall your name
Infact, I know I know you, and we've been through so much
I remember years ago we promised always to keep in touch
And so far we have, almost every night, I have been trying
But sometimes I get caught up with all these R.E.M.s
And insomnia, thinking "I can't see my lady tonight"
I try not to let my sanity follow when I turn out the light
I hold the pillow close, pouring all my imagination
Praying for the day I'll actually meet you in person

The Ordinance

You live in a cube, feeble I lie in place, I live in a square
You live in a sphere, I need more space, I live in a circle

I stand speechless; your fired rounds affix to my pulse
Given proof that not all minds think the same way
The clamor of your poison darts have penetrated deep
I am weak now, craving oxygen, because I disobeyed
Not that I would mind being chided raw by your smolder
But I feel alienated from fun, constantly looking over my shoulder
And the closer I get to normal, I get grappled right back
I inch my way to what I think is fine, and taste a leash
I know no such idea as what its like to write history
I am merely an actor dancing all over your silly scripts
and get paid jack, infact, it should cost no money for freedom
Forget that, I pay to live, the price: my poor blood
What I exert, is attained in the console of your greed
I would have escaped before, if I wasn't such a coward
You laugh and snicker at my attempts to redeem myself
My frustration breaks the surface, nothing more than the truth
Of how I feel, I'm feeling much to ill for your torture
You’re like a jeweler constantly searching me for flaws
And before I can defend myself, you rub off at my DNA
I’m becoming someone else, you want it this way
You shake me to the point I become numb, can't feel a thing
You reach across your barrier into mine, I'm changing
I'm the doll you made over and now I'm material
You want us to be perfect, so you placed a serial
Number over my heart, I must be wary or it's suicide
But I can't say goodbye, because it would hurt me worse to see you cry
So I deal with it, deal with your hard jealous behavior
Which turns into your violent outbreaks; me: the scapegoat
I've lived by your rules, I'll die by your rules, because I am a fool
You've corrupted my mind to where I can't make decisions for myself
The only way I live is when you’re in your best emotional state
Which happens to be when I'm your punching bag; not too great
So basically, we survive off of me making the tiniest mistake
You shake my world like an Earthquake, I just hesitate
Ro decide, whether or not our relationship is healthy
Remember before all of this, it was in the way you held me
And look at James, he has to witness abuse from his play crib
Oh how I wish sometimes that I could play the plaintiff but this
Is always your theater, your ordinance, your composition
We either do what you want, or I'm beaten into submission
I've endured too many scars to let my actions seek divorce
I just wish my mom's opinions of you would have taken the proper course